Friday, May 4, 2012

The Little Man And The Witch Doctor - Funny Joke

Rodney walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy here."


The bartender says, "You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?"



Rodney says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here." With that he pulls out a little 3 inch man from his pocket.



The bartender says, "Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?"



"Oh, sure. He can drink it all, and then some," the man retorted.



So the bartender poured the two shots. Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.



"That's amazing," says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?"



Rodney flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says,
"Hey, Al, go fetch that quarter."



The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter, and runs back down and gives it to Rodney.



The bartender is totally amazed by this display.
"That's amazing," he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"



Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and squawks, "Talk? Sure he talks. Hey Al, tell him about the time when we were down in Africa on a safari and you insulted that witch doctor!"


Thursday, May 3, 2012

The Devil And The Lawer - Funny Joke

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him.


The Devil told the lawyer:



"I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. 

All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners."


The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what's the catch?"


Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Can Of Peas - Hilarious Joke

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing.


"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"



"Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?"



"I opened a "Can of Peas" instead."


Thursday, April 19, 2012

The Blonde On A Jet-Flight - Funny Joke

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."

From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim,

"Wow! It just missed the highway!"

The Farmer's Bull - Hilarious Jokes

Someone left the zebra's cage open in the middle of the night and he escaped and ran away to a local farm.

Early the next morning, he approached an old hen, saying,

"What do you do around here?"

The hen replied, "I lay eggs for the farmer's breakfast."

The zebra walked over to the cow, asking, "What do you do?"

The cow replied, "I give milk for the farmer's breakfast."

The zebra then spied an enormous bull and asked the same question.

The bull looked at the zebra with a quizzical smile and said, "Take  those fancy pajamas off and I'll show you what I do around here."

Hunting With the Dogs - Funny Joke

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.

Finally, the uncle had an idea. "There's no one around for miles, why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and off he went, dogs in trail.

That afternoon, the nephew returned. "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.

"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"


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