The Bar Betting Joke

I found myself in a pub in Patiala and a group of American tourists came in.

One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Punjabis think you're great drinkers. I bet $5,000 that no-one here can drink 3 bottles of Jack Daniels in 10 minutes."

The bar was silent, the American noticed Santa leaving, no-one took up the bet. 20 minutes later Santa who left returned and said, "Hey Yank, is your bet still on?"

"Sure," said the American, "3 JD in 10 minutes for a bet of $5,000."

"Great...," replied Santa, "so pour the whisky and start the clock."

It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.

"OK Yank, pay up." said Santa.

"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager I saw you leave. Where did you go?"

"Well sir," replied Santa, "$5,000 is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it !


Fishing Trips - Funny Jokes

Buddy and his friend Puddy were both fanatics about deep sea fishing. Each would come back from fishing trips, and tell the other big lies about the number, and sizes of the fish they caught.

So when Buddy came back from his latest fishing trip, he told Puddy...

"You wouldn't believe, but this time in Bahamas I caught a 500 pound Herring."

To this Puddy replied" That's nothing, last time I fished in da Bahamas, I pulled up an old lantern from a sunken American ship.... and the candle was still burning !"

They both looked at each other, knowing that the other was lying.

Finally, Puddy said, "Look Buddy, if you take 450 pounds from off your herring.... I'll blow out my candle !"

The Great Expectation - Hilarious Joke

Just as Buddy was about to fall asleep, his wife shook him and said, "I hear someone breaking in."

At least two nights a week for twenty years Buddy had gone through this. He knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. So, he went out for a routine check.

When Buddy entered the den he was surprised to see a thief. The man held him at gunpoint and continued to rob the house.

As the thief was about to leave Buddy said, "You have to go and meet my wife."

The thief said, "Why would you want me to meet your wife?"

Buddy replied, "Well, she's been expecting you for the past 20 years."

The Greatest Scientist Reunion - Funny Joke

Greatest scientists of all times were invited to a reunion...

Isaac Newton said he'd drop in.

Socrates said he'd think about it.

Georg Ohm resisted the idea.

Robert Boyle said he was under too much pressure.

Charles Darwin said he'd wait to see what evolved.

Pierre and Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.

Alessandro Volta was electrified at the prospect.

Ivan Pavlov positively drooled at the thought.

Andre-Marie Ampere was worried he wasn't current.

John James Audubon said he'd have to wing it.

Thomas Edison thought it would be illuminating.

Albert Einstein said it would be relatively easy to attend.

Archimedes was buoyant at the thought.

Dr Jekyll declined - he said he hadn't been feeling himself lately.

Samuel Morse said, "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."

Carl Friedrich Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetism.

Heinrich Hertz said he planned to attend with greater frequency in the future.

James Watt thought it would be a good way to let off steam.

Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.

And Dr. Sigmund Freud couldn't help but give it the slip!

Marketing Story - Funny Joke

Santa was appointed as sales person at a local store in Chandigarh.

While on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked if they had 'Peach Jam' to which he bluntly replied, "Out of stock."

At this, the lady immediately turned to leave the shop in disgruntlement.

It was then that the shopkeeper, who had been looking on, called Santa aside and told him, "When a customer asks for a product that is out of stock, you apologize for its unavailability, and then offer other types of the same product. For instance in this case it was peach jam; offer other types of jam like pineapple jam, guava, apricot jam and so on."

Next, came in another lady who asked for toilet paper and Santa politely replied, ""I am sorry ma'am, we do not have any toilet paper right now but you could try some Carbon Paper or Sand Paper!"