“How many cigars do you smoke a day?” “About ten.” “What do they cost you?” “Twenty cents a piece.” “My, that’s two dollars a day. How long have you been smoking?” “Thirty years.” “Two dollars a day for thirty years is a lot of money.” “Yes, it is.” “Do you see that office building on the corner?” “Yes.” “If you had never smoked in your life you might own that fine building.” “Do you smoke?” “No, never did.” “Do you own that building?” “No.”
An 80-year-old-couple are having problems remembering things, so they decide to see their doctor to find out if anything is wrong with them. They see the doctor and tell him about the memory problems they've been having. After a check-up, the doctor tells them that they are physically fine but might want to start writing things down to help them remember things. They thank the doctor and leave. Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Where are you going?" asks his wife. "To the kitchen," he replies. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" she asks. "Sure," he says. She says, "Maybe you should write it down so you'll remember." "I'll remember," he says "Well, I would also like some strawberries on top," she says. "You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget." "I can remember that," he says, as he begins to loose his patience. "You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." "I would also like whip cream on top," she adds, "I know you will forget that so you better write it down." Hopping mad he says, "I don't need to write that down! I will remember just fine." He fumes into the kitchen to get the food. 20 minutes later he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where the hell is my Pineapple juice?"